While checking out the lists of literature posted on SWG Coffee Social: Book Lists (list Ms. Readers’ 100 Best Non-Fiction Books of All Time: The Top 10 and the Complete List!) I found a very interesting interview of the author of one of the books (Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture
by Ariel Levy )
Interview with author of 'Female Chauvinist Pigs'
3:35 especially resonated with me. I realized why I have this very strong reaction on some messages from my family:
1. Mom telling that I’m pretty when I am trying to make photo for resume. I’d prefer to hear some encouragement like… you are going to find a good job because you are a good professional or have potential or smth like that.
2. Father giving me as presents stuff like mouse with picture of flowers or some infinitely stupid book “guide for young ladies” (that was a while ago but I still fill incredibly irritated about it), like the man does not know me at all and does not know that I hate this stupid cliché stuff.
3. Sister constantly trying to tell me about finding a husband…
It feels that they do not appreciate enough my ambitions and already achieved professional results. Like it’s less valuable then something what was just given by nature. Like my belonging to female sex and birth giving ability is more important than my personality and professional fulfillment. Although, my parents are probably ones of the most supportive parents I’ve ever saw but still… when they bring out the topic that I am supposed to be this or that (kind of more feminine) I feel like I am ready to explode.
I know that I cannot change my parents, they are just the way they are and I love them any way. But still I wish that I would be raised and even now treated a bit differently. I feel like I needed to be more pressured to be successful and less pressured to get married and have children. Even though I forbade them even to mention it any more but it made the damage already. I feel that at times I really luck the drive to succeed because there is another scenario of becoming to some extent dependent woman. Even though I hate that 2-nd scenario, thanks to the society and my family in which I was raised, that scenario is still alive and at times implicitly undermines my determination. And this is something I should deal with and it is not easy, because this internal (and external) enemy has a lot of masks and sometimes when you recognize it, it’s too late and what is left to do is just to repair the damage. I wish I had more examples around of successful women which I would want to fallow. But in my society successful woman is not too popular concept. And I cannot change it. So, I have to change the place. Only this way I can actually start living fulfilled and happy life and my ultimate pleasure would be then to start giving back.